Introduction, and Vol. 29

Hello there. I've been told by a good friend of mine that you tea-and-finger-sandwich types prefer "legitimate" blog forums such as this here blogger.com for your blog experience. This opposed to MySpace - where this blog has been doing business for a little over a year now - that province of perverts and 16 YeAR OlD KidS WhO TYpE lKIE tHIS ANd aRE AlL liKE "FUkk U dAd!!! !!" So, even though ...

A. I'm livid that someone / thing claimjumped the blogger address "myspace_music_reviews" and many of its permutations (and / or brought up the spectre that i'm not the only one doing such a column) ...

2. Reviewing bands that approach me on MySpace in a forum other than MySpace seems a little incongruous ...

I am forced to at least consider that posting the column here as well increases my chances of eventually being misquoted by the New York Times. So here it is. What follows is both a sample of my column, and its most recent edition. All future updates will be "simulcast" on this page, as well as the MySpace Page. For Vols. 1-28, and an alphabetized list of victims, please refer to the MySpace page, located here: http://www.myspace.com/myspace_music_reviews.

Feel free to comment, and enjoy.

All text herein c. 2005-2006 J. Carstensen III.

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 29

Hello, and welcome to the new profile. I gots a lot to do today, so i'm getting right down to business. Enjoy ...

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Revenge of Shinobi (Other)
Insistent, slowly-building double guitar n' rolling rhythm pieces, akin to Tom Verlain's or Sonic Youth's instrumental outings. Crests nicely, like big cold waves. I shall support their cause.
Friend Status: Accepted.

The Pandas (Rock / Pop / Psychedelic)
Droning rock with semi-sneering, laconic guy-n-gal vocals. This act features a one-time Warlock, which makes sense. If i suffered the misfortune of having to live in Las Vegas, i'd take one of their shows over a trip to the casino any night. Then again, i'd take pretty much any fate not involving mutilation over a trip to a casino. Regardless, good tunes.
Friend Status: Accepted.

Into White (Freestyle / Powerpop / Showtunes)
Mostly noisy dilettantism. At its more inspired, the band reminds me a bit of the Butthole Surfers, but as the volumes drop, so does the intrigue.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Cavalcade (Rock / Indie / Experimental)
Erudite upstate New Yorkers while away the hours in their drab town with some stretched out instrumental exercises. Repressed without ever being tense, build-ups that never build up into something. Maybe they didn't want to piss off the neighbors.
Friend Status: Rejected.

my bicycle emergency! (Folk / Acoustic / Regional Mexican)
It's official: the world has run out of band names. Sadly, it still has a surfeit of mope-y hippies.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Winterville (Rock / Alternative / Indie)
To think, most people embarrass themselves on TV and endure Dave Navarro just for a shot at being in a band like this, and these guys just go and start one of their own. Are they allowed to do that?
Friend Status: Rejected.

Echo Helstrom (Indie / Rock / Classical)
The shtick here, according to the bio posted: the band is comprised classical and jazz trained musicians "simulating" a rock band. Which, i mean, bands have been simulating rock music with guitars and drums for just about the last ten years. So, this might then, be a simulation of that simulation, and this is getting a little too meta for me, so i'm gonna have to say 'no.' Oh, and they're from Portland. And they're political. How have i not gone insane yet?
Friend Status: Rejected.

NO MEANS YES (Rock / Rock / Rock)
Formerly the Very Fine Lines, the new name does nothing to mask the fact that it's the same crappy band as last time. In fact, it's the exact same four songs as last time. This is like changing your shirt when you're ugly.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Villa Vina (Progressive / Rock / Indie)
Math-y notes-n-noodles onslaught from Brooklyn. I'll give them a shot based solely on the song title "Business Casual Sex." Don't expect miracles, but i bet they're fun live. Avoid reading the bio if you can.
Friend Status: Accepted.

54 Seconds(Alternative / Ambient / Rock)
Wow, 54 seconds is, in fact, about how long i could stand this singer's affected, warbly voice. Good call!
Friend Status: Rejected.

Redlight Cinema(Indie / Progressive / Rock)
Loud n' jumpy minor chord-employing rock trio fronted by a singer with toxic levels of Rob Thomas-ness. Just move to L.A. now and get it over with. On the plus side, "Make Love to a Stranger" is a great name for a record.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Viva Machine(Rock / Pop / Alternative)
Say what you will about the Darkness, but at least it took more than one listen for the joke to wear off.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Seth Lakeman (Acoustic / Folk / Folk Rock)
Mix two parts string quartet, one part banjo, a heaping tablespoon of assorted nature imagery and about two quarts of suffocating earnestness. Overbake. Serves thousands.
Friend Status: Rejected.

The Antlers (Indie / Folk / Ambient)
Clearly, some bearded, falsetto-voiced acoustic guitar male-banshees are not taking my "DISLIKES" list very seriously.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Krylls(Punk / Psychedelic / Grunge)
Oh my god, this is awesome. "I play geetara / I'm Che Guevara / I blast Sandista / Soy Anarchista / ANARCHY!!!" sung with an earnest commitment to being as annoying as possible, almost like the front man is the Fred Schneider of post-hardcore. Loud, goofy, great.
Friend Status: Accepted.

SMF (Progrsv House / Techno / Trance)
I'm not certain where exactly on my profile i wrote "I <3 Guido-Disco and songs about drugs, mtherfuckerr" but, hey, accidents happen.
Friend Status: Rejected.