MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 30

Hi everybody. Lots of bands this week. Some of this stuff has been sitting in my "Friend Request" box for almost two months, and in that time, some of the acts reviewed here have decided that enough was enough and chose to sneak out the back door, thinking i wasn't paying attention. Hell, some of them have probably broken up already. But how wrong they were! What follows is not every band in the pile, but most of them and some that were, and no longer are.

* = accepted

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WE'RE SOME AMERICAN BANDS: "Say Go" with the "action rock" of Phoenix's WHITE DEMONS (Rock). Two guitars, bass, drums, rock songs about drinkin' and cancelled shows, beer-commercial quality hooks, the whole thing. If this description appeals to you - and it probably does if you happen to live in Phoenix - by all means sign up ... While you're at it, check out The Compulsions (Rock / Punk / Blues), because it's pretty much the same thing, only, uh, "blues-ey-er" i guess. Me, i'll be here, digging into my Candy Snatchers collection, yet again ... If you don't at least appreciate Wilco, you probably needn't bother with Long Island's The Corduroys* (Rock / Country / Pop). And, by the sounds of it, i could handily defeat the singer in an arm-wrestling match. But the band has a good grasp on songwriting and the accompaniment shuffles along nicely, especially the Creedence-y guitar lines ... Conversely, i have no doubt that last-night's-beer-bottles-for-breakfast type otis gibbs (Folk / Indie / Americana) could snap me in half if provoked, so i'm invoking the rarely-used "If you can't say anything nice" clause, and stepping slowly away, not turning my back.

DIG THOSE KRAZY ELECTRONIC BEATS: The Valley Dolls (Alternative / Electro / Punk) have a whopping one song, a thrown-together demo at that; the Blow Waves (Electro / Punk / New Wave) come closest to approximating a male Yaz; Electra (Electro / Powerpop / Club) has the guile-free "This is My Art!"-camp-sound; Belgian couple eToy* (Electro / Pop / Rock) have the creative use of primary-colored body paint and a sound to match; and Deltawave (Electro / Indie / Disco House) has the best song titles and the most memorable material. But all are like eating a can of frosting for lunch ... And you know a genre has lost its "edge" when people from Orlando are doing it. That said, it could merely be the case that the Epcot Center is building some sort of incredibly comprehensive "Rock Sub-Genre" exhibit and Man and Machines (Industrial / Electro / Techno) are bucking to be the Teutonic splatter-techno installation ... As for Provo, UT's hidden ninja (Electronica / Drum & Bass / Industrial), the instrumental stuff is sufficiently brooding, but when the raps kick in, i feel like i'm at a Nuggets game. Then again, my tastes in electronica pretty much start and end with DJ Shadow, so maybe you should just decide for yourself.

METAL, SOME: Through Hell (Metal / Thrash / Hardcore) is this week's batch of screaming dudes in hoodies. Sure, all the songs are Viking-friendly - and sound, like, exactly the same - but, no doubt, at least two of the guys will end up going through some sort of "we need to make our music more dance-y and electronic" phase in about two years, so enjoy it while it lasts. Oh, and the background of their page, which looks like a still from Video Fireplace. So, that kinda rules ... Meanwhile, also keeping it "real" is Beyond All Reason (Rock / Metal / Rock), a bunch of black t-shirt-and-feelings types from the UK, with intermittently shrill vocals and weedley-wee guitar further blurring what's left of the line between modern emo and 80s fluffer-metal. The hunch here is that at least two (2) of the dudes have the band name tattooed somewhere on their bodies ... Watch out, Evanescence! Colporter (Rock / Metal / Hardcore) - fronted by a lefty, 5-string bass-playing chanteuse - boldly assert their claim San Diego's Number One Female Fronted Metal Band! Location, location, location.

THE "MOVEMENT" MOVEMENT: Three acts this week, vying for my Movement dollar. Philly indie-noodlers pattern is movement (Indie / Progressive / New Wave) boasts a puzzling 1 : 1 song / remix ratio, thus giving them a broader palate of ways to be formless and self-indulgent ... UK band White Rose Movement (Indie / Electronica) is that yelp-y Rapture-style professional rock that you go for but i do not. Only this time, a twist, in the form of an occasionally female voice occasionally intermingling, ethereally. Dance, young self-conscious people, dance! ... My countrymen The Movement (Powerpop / Rock / Alternative) sound like The Jam if they just sort of shrugged and decided to take that nightly gig at The Sands Atlantic City. It's official: "Movement" is a new must-avoid band buzzword.

ROUND THE HORN: Hey, The Tonic Bang* (Alternative / Rock / Pop), way to be a rock group of five Swedish teen girls, and NOT INCLUDE A FREAKIN' PICTURE ON YOUR PROFILE!! Alas, the strange lyrics and Slater-Blue Van sound more than make up for this glaring omission, so, nicely done. Still, making me determine your merits based on your music, that's kinda fucked up ... The MySpace Music Reviews Spirit Award goes to the drummer from Jimmy and the Wolfpack* (Rock / R&B / Rockabilly). Rockabilly has always thrived on the element of danger a bit more than most forms of music, and since its 2006 and the possibility of a knife-fight breaking out is nil - especially somewhere as "tough" as Brooklyn - wondering if the drummer can make it through a whole song without the number completely collapsing is close enough. Fun, Cramps-y stuff that goes good with $2 beer and girls with bangs ... On the flip side of that, the instinct-free drumming failing to propel State of Ohio (Rock / Indie) will get you right back in your seat, but maybe he's the appropriate choice for what is essentially Modest Mouse-on-steroids ... In only took 15 years, but thanks to Rara Avis (Pop / Country / Rock), Italy finally has a 10,000 Maniacs to call their own ... Aluco (Indie / Ambient / Acoustic) is some wispy sounding acoustic guitar and piano daintiness, from Norway. Clearly a distant descendent of someone not even remotely hearty enough to have been a Viking, and musically you can tell he seems to enjoy having all those dark cold hours to spend indoors. In fact, the acoustic guitar string scrapes are by far the loudest thing in these tracks ... The Student Teachers (Alternative / New Wave / Punk) are a long forgotten band from the CB's classic era, putting the final defining touches on their legacy, the MySpace way! Incidentally, on the subject of events of 1978-80, i won my 5th grade spelling bee, and i snagged the lead as an absent-minded professor in a play about nouns and verbs. What's that? You don't care? Hmm ... Lastly, just so you don't think i hate everything that doesn't sound like beer, check out UK's The Clauberg Opera* (Alternative / Punk), long engrossing stretches of lurching, overdriven instrumental doom, the sort of thing you still naively expect to go down at a Todd P show before being greeted by fake truckers reading poetry.

THE OL' MAILBAG: The talented - or at least well-trained - fellows in cellar steps (Indie / Rock / Progrsv House) wrote, oh, back in late July or so, pointing out that they'd be flattered if i panned their two-man quirk rock act. A backhanded dis, i suspect, but fuck it, i'm game, so here goes. "NERRRRRRRRRRRDS!"

NAP TIME: The Donde Stars (Indie / Alternative / Powerpop), Chaser (Rock / Club / Electro), one dollar peep show (Electronica / Alternative / Pop), Crash the Satellites (Indie / Rock).

THIS FINAL THOUGHT: Not that long ago, my band opened up for a man / act named Zed Never, a dude probably in his 50s who plays the bass, looks quite a lot like James Coburn and sings the hooks of fractured weird-uncle rock like "Pork Rinds" with gravely, a-melodic zeal. I bring this up because i feel like he should pair up with slop-punk combo BaTz* (Rock / Garage / Punk), and their Mozart-melody-lifting hit "F.U." for one last show at the Continental before it turns into a grimy sports bar. I mean, i'd be the only person in the audience, but i'd reeeeaallly be into it.

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Well, there you have it: i'm not even close to caught up. Tune in next week, when i, in all likelihood, revert back to my trusty old band-reviewing formula.

MsMR

Introduction, and Vol. 29

Hello there. I've been told by a good friend of mine that you tea-and-finger-sandwich types prefer "legitimate" blog forums such as this here blogger.com for your blog experience. This opposed to MySpace - where this blog has been doing business for a little over a year now - that province of perverts and 16 YeAR OlD KidS WhO TYpE lKIE tHIS ANd aRE AlL liKE "FUkk U dAd!!! !!" So, even though ...

A. I'm livid that someone / thing claimjumped the blogger address "myspace_music_reviews" and many of its permutations (and / or brought up the spectre that i'm not the only one doing such a column) ...

2. Reviewing bands that approach me on MySpace in a forum other than MySpace seems a little incongruous ...

I am forced to at least consider that posting the column here as well increases my chances of eventually being misquoted by the New York Times. So here it is. What follows is both a sample of my column, and its most recent edition. All future updates will be "simulcast" on this page, as well as the MySpace Page. For Vols. 1-28, and an alphabetized list of victims, please refer to the MySpace page, located here: http://www.myspace.com/myspace_music_reviews.

Feel free to comment, and enjoy.

All text herein c. 2005-2006 J. Carstensen III.

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 29

Hello, and welcome to the new profile. I gots a lot to do today, so i'm getting right down to business. Enjoy ...

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Revenge of Shinobi (Other)
Insistent, slowly-building double guitar n' rolling rhythm pieces, akin to Tom Verlain's or Sonic Youth's instrumental outings. Crests nicely, like big cold waves. I shall support their cause.
Friend Status: Accepted.

The Pandas (Rock / Pop / Psychedelic)
Droning rock with semi-sneering, laconic guy-n-gal vocals. This act features a one-time Warlock, which makes sense. If i suffered the misfortune of having to live in Las Vegas, i'd take one of their shows over a trip to the casino any night. Then again, i'd take pretty much any fate not involving mutilation over a trip to a casino. Regardless, good tunes.
Friend Status: Accepted.

Into White (Freestyle / Powerpop / Showtunes)
Mostly noisy dilettantism. At its more inspired, the band reminds me a bit of the Butthole Surfers, but as the volumes drop, so does the intrigue.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Cavalcade (Rock / Indie / Experimental)
Erudite upstate New Yorkers while away the hours in their drab town with some stretched out instrumental exercises. Repressed without ever being tense, build-ups that never build up into something. Maybe they didn't want to piss off the neighbors.
Friend Status: Rejected.

my bicycle emergency! (Folk / Acoustic / Regional Mexican)
It's official: the world has run out of band names. Sadly, it still has a surfeit of mope-y hippies.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Winterville (Rock / Alternative / Indie)
To think, most people embarrass themselves on TV and endure Dave Navarro just for a shot at being in a band like this, and these guys just go and start one of their own. Are they allowed to do that?
Friend Status: Rejected.

Echo Helstrom (Indie / Rock / Classical)
The shtick here, according to the bio posted: the band is comprised classical and jazz trained musicians "simulating" a rock band. Which, i mean, bands have been simulating rock music with guitars and drums for just about the last ten years. So, this might then, be a simulation of that simulation, and this is getting a little too meta for me, so i'm gonna have to say 'no.' Oh, and they're from Portland. And they're political. How have i not gone insane yet?
Friend Status: Rejected.

NO MEANS YES (Rock / Rock / Rock)
Formerly the Very Fine Lines, the new name does nothing to mask the fact that it's the same crappy band as last time. In fact, it's the exact same four songs as last time. This is like changing your shirt when you're ugly.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Villa Vina (Progressive / Rock / Indie)
Math-y notes-n-noodles onslaught from Brooklyn. I'll give them a shot based solely on the song title "Business Casual Sex." Don't expect miracles, but i bet they're fun live. Avoid reading the bio if you can.
Friend Status: Accepted.

54 Seconds(Alternative / Ambient / Rock)
Wow, 54 seconds is, in fact, about how long i could stand this singer's affected, warbly voice. Good call!
Friend Status: Rejected.

Redlight Cinema(Indie / Progressive / Rock)
Loud n' jumpy minor chord-employing rock trio fronted by a singer with toxic levels of Rob Thomas-ness. Just move to L.A. now and get it over with. On the plus side, "Make Love to a Stranger" is a great name for a record.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Viva Machine(Rock / Pop / Alternative)
Say what you will about the Darkness, but at least it took more than one listen for the joke to wear off.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Seth Lakeman (Acoustic / Folk / Folk Rock)
Mix two parts string quartet, one part banjo, a heaping tablespoon of assorted nature imagery and about two quarts of suffocating earnestness. Overbake. Serves thousands.
Friend Status: Rejected.

The Antlers (Indie / Folk / Ambient)
Clearly, some bearded, falsetto-voiced acoustic guitar male-banshees are not taking my "DISLIKES" list very seriously.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Krylls(Punk / Psychedelic / Grunge)
Oh my god, this is awesome. "I play geetara / I'm Che Guevara / I blast Sandista / Soy Anarchista / ANARCHY!!!" sung with an earnest commitment to being as annoying as possible, almost like the front man is the Fred Schneider of post-hardcore. Loud, goofy, great.
Friend Status: Accepted.

SMF (Progrsv House / Techno / Trance)
I'm not certain where exactly on my profile i wrote "I <3 Guido-Disco and songs about drugs, mtherfuckerr" but, hey, accidents happen.
Friend Status: Rejected.