MySpace Music Reviews - Vol. 32

A lot to get to, as i resolve to clean out the ol' friend request box, and proceed with a clean slate in - and renewed optimism for - 2007. And away we go ...

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Chop Shop (Alternative / Indie)

There are five of them, and room for more, they want you to know. One plays a trumpet and that's always nice. One is trying a bit too hard at times to sound British. Generally pleasant brooding stuff, though, all downloadable. Grab your favorite ("Crickets" is quite nice), and maybe even contribute? There's an "open source" vibe to the whole endeavor, and that's always fun. I'd give it a go, but i'd probably ruin it by playing too loud.

Friend Status: Accepted.

Victor Pinks (Garage / Punk / Rock)

I think i now know what Camper Van Beethoven's first practice sounded like. Off to a good start, lads; keep practicing and get that bass player.

Friend Status: Accepted.

THE VANDELLES (Surf / Blues / Experimental)

Droney Brit-Pop with surf guitar tones. I dig how everything sounds like it's coming from three rehearsal rooms down the hall. They're playing a bunch of gigs around town soon; i'd say make sure to bring your earplugs.

Friend Status: Accepted.

the monster army (Indie / Garage / Electro)

Mysterious, sea-foam-green loving duo marries spook-o garage with Casio beats, thus proving it is, in fact, drummers who are the most likely to be pretentious and expendable.

Friend Status: Accepted.

JOSHUA'S WHISPER (Metal / Rock / Other)

Tool-inspired metal, understated enough vocally to not crush any sense of melody, though still suffering beneath the requisite Guitar Center effects-rack cheese. Metal bands are a lot easier to like when they aren't trying to be so damn professional. Plus, JOSHUA'S WHISPER is an ironic name for a band whose missives seem to be CONDUCTED ENTIRELY IN CAPS.

Friend Status: Rejected.

WinterKids (New Wave / Alternative / Indie)

Remember when you were a kid and you went to the amusement park, and outside your favorite ride, there was a painting of a cartoon bear holding a yard stick, saying "hiya, kids, you must be THIS tall to enter the ride", and you were all standing on your tippy-toes, like "crap, being young sucks"? Well, this hyper bunch should have some sort of reverse-age-stick holding bear, and the cut-off could be twenty years old, and if you were older, you wouldn't be allowed in, but instead you'd be like "ah well, i already done rode that ride." You know, i like the sentence-long reviews a lot better, how about you?

Friend Status: Rejected.

My Virgin Eyes (Metal / Experimental / Death Metal)
My fucked ears!

Friend Status: Rejected.

DIRECTOR (Pop / Rock / Alternative)

Cut!

Friend Status: Rejected.

Cowboy X (Alternative / Indie / Rock)

Cowboy Why? ... Okay, that one was particularly weak, but i have a lot of bands to get through, and at least most of the other ones are interesting.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Lightning Type (Alternative / Rock / Pop)

Most of the other ones, anyway ...

Friend Status: Rejected.

Drunko (Punk / Hardcore / Crunk)

I always get disappointed when bands have drinking-themed names / schticks, but end up being able to actually kinda play. Apparently they're not that hammered. Long live Alcoholocaust.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Public Record (Indie / Soul / Reggae)

The idea: Reggae/soul rhythm section, undisciplined indie-rock guitar interplay. Great bass sound, but punishingly white.

Friend Status: Rejected.

The Wasted Wagon (Indie / Rock / Acoustic)

Normally, i'm a sucker for bands that don't bother / don't know how to tune their guitars, but this smacks me as being a little disingenuous. Or maybe he's just that stoned. Either way.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Spylacopa (Ambient / Experimental / Other)

This is a bit like being deep in a cave with an underground pool, listening to drips from the stalactites. Or is it stalagmites? I get those confused. Anyway, there might be a monster in the cave too. Or there might be some hot chicks, posing provocatively. Man, this act covers all the bases pretty well, don't they. Anyway, i think one or more of the guys are in Dillinger Escape Plan, thereby proving that all modern hardcore kids are dabblers at heart. Coming up next: A Static Lullaby's country record.

Friend Status: Accepted.

Midget (Pop Punk / Powerpop / Indie)

Hey everybody! Midget's getting back together! Just to get you psyched, they put up some long-forgotten tracks from 1997-8, the height of their game. Which, i don't know about you, but i barely cared about stuff from 1997-8 in 1997-8. Except that Yo La Tengo record, that was pretty dope. Besides, last night's Weston / Sticks and Stones / Latex Generation show sated any of those left-over urges for that bygone era, perhaps permanently. The good news for Midget, though: Pro Tools has gotten a lot more convincing sounding in the last decade.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Joseph Ferocious (Indie / Experimental / Death Metal)

Ah, indie rock. It reminds me of those cabins made of tongue depressors you put together sloppily when you were a little kid, and your mom was very proud of you when you did that. You probably recall those sorts of experience wistfully, but i do not. Nor am i Mrs. Ferocious. Put another way, i'm not exactly the target audience for this sort of stuff. This is my effort to be less mean, and so far i think it's going well, don't you?

Friend Status: Rejected.

Imogene (Psychedelic / Jazz / Rock)

Heavy heat-haze-y jams. The singer's a little "L.A." for my comfort, but on the plus side, two bass players!! Nice to see someone out there understands.

Friend Status: Accepted.

JC Rx Music (Other / Indie / Electro)

This is what it sounds like when Jack Horkheimer is having a nightmare.

Friend Status: Accepted.

Third Estate (Rock / Pop / Punk)

Tonight on the WB: Jared learns a dark secret that may change his love for Courtney forever. Featuring music by Third Estate.

Friend Status: Rejected.

FABS (Indie / Pop / Surf)

A "happy" Avril Levigne? The Tiffany of surf? From cold n' gloomy Scotland? Doesn't give the lead singer much of a chance to sport that bikini she's so fond of, unless they tour the US soon. Then again, the Trashmen ("Surfin' Bird") were from Minneapolis, so who am i to front? Equally fun and captivatingly annoying, just like it should be.

Friend Status: Accepted.

Melochromatic (Rock / Indie / Progressive)

Monodramatic.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Kosmic Daydream (Rock / Psychedelic / Punk)

Bazooka Joe: "Hey, MsMR, how do i get from Jersey to Desmond's Tavern?"

MsMR: "Practice, practice, practice!"

Zing!

Friend Status: Rejected.

A Plea For Mercy (Metal / Hardcore / Gothic)

If you need an act to check out until the new Evanescence record drops, you're in luck. From Arkansas, no less. Hey, i'm not trying to be (that) snide; i do go to minor league baseball games, after all. Besides, the front woman is more than up to the task. I almost wish i liked music like this.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Black Light Co. (Indie / Folk Rock / Emo)
"I'm the loneliest when you kiss me"? Well ladies, don't say you weren't warned.

Friend Status: Rejected.

Desmond & the Tutus (Indie / Indie / Pop)

Er, no.

Friend Status: Rejected.

PAINT CAN (Other)

Ah, Christ it's that goddamn guy who had a bit part in Clerks again. Don't bother unless you own at least three (3) articles of corduroy clothing.

Friend Status: Rejected.

jinn abide (Rock / Progressive / Indie)

Much like Pauline Kael's famous, disbelieving proclamation that "no one i know voted for Nixon", no one i know currently listens to grunge, even updated metal / math grunge like this. But, this may be a sign of my NYC elitism, as here is yet another example of a band working hard and skillfully executing a sound that, let's be honest while we're snickering at how dopey and sincere we perceive them to be, would fare much better on an unpublicized tour of the US than any bands i like, and probably any bands you like / write about too. Therein lies the rub about being "cool": you're constantly outnumbered.

Friend Status: Rejected.

And now, to throw the rest of the bands under a bus and call it a year. Sorry GoodYear (Punk / Rock / Ska), Korbin (Rock / Garage / Punk), and Mississippi Witch (Rock / Alternative). As for you dear reader, looking forward to a new year with you!

MsMR

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 31

Some first-attempt-ever live recaps, to supplement the few bands i feel like reviewing. Perhaps it is because i am doing this instead of catching Padre Pio in the city this evening. I'll catch you next time, boys.

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Saturday, November 4th: As you may have willfully missed, New York's wonderful CMJ Music Festival. For those of you unfamiliar event, keep in mind first that the word 'festival' in the name makes about as little sense as the word 'party' in GOP. Bands, fans and even venues tend to view the event as essentially an inconvenience. Nonetheless, the more career-minded acts send in press packets months ahead of time, giddy at the prospect of a gig bearing the faint whiff of legitimacy, only to get stuck playing at some bar no one has ever heard of uptown, at 4pm on a weekday afternoon. In front of who, exactly? It was also disconcerting to see just how many bands panned in this forum had some key slots at some fairly reputable venues, but it was oddly reassuring to have proof that the whole affair is essentially pretty bogus. Considering how far flung all the venues participating are, it's not like the streets were teeming with music, unless you happened to be hanging out at the Javitz Center.

Not the most original set of observations i know, and most in New York were sick of the topic before the "festival" even began. Nonetheless, my badge-free self did manage to catch a nice performance or two during the week, the best of which was Death of Fashion's wing-ding of a set in front of a nicely into-it crowd at the otherwise drab and not-very-good-sounding Fontana's. If ye have not yet, please sample this L.I.C. (Qns) quartet as soon as possible. Bouncy, driving, shambolic, simple, stretched out, young, seemingly effortless and just weird enough to be distinct without being annoying, with an A+ rhythm section and without an obvious flaw. Two singers volley with borderline-belligerent crooning (from the part-time keyboardist) and demented, slightly unnerving yelps (from the band's sublime, but eerie guitarist). Think the Fall with notes, the Doors without the "poetry" angle, the Strokes with personalities. Actually, chuck all that aside – you probably hate all those bands – and just give them a listen. They are the masterminds of this reviewer's 2nd most-listened-to CD of 2006 (Creeps and Lovers being the first, of course).

The Tom Waits-y brass and muscular, gypsy-like ululating of Nervous Cabaret followed nicely, but not nearly soon enough, as seeing them involved first slugging through B-Monster's K-mart cowboy racket. Which is too bad because the songs on B-Monster's profile come across not-half-bad, but live it was clear they were dabbling with forces (American 50s hot-rod rock) they didn't understand. A bassist might have helped, of course, but regardless, rodeo regalia on Brits is just plain wrong. Better luck next band.

All that said, the highlight of this show, though, came during a wait for the bathroom. I stood amidst a group of young folks from not-New York, but, presumably, an outlying area. Along the wall to the right hanged a tryptic of late 70's-era photos of New York rock legends Lou Reed, Patty Smith and Joey Ramone. One meathead asked "who's that lady in the middle?" And, the guy next to him, with a faint trace of disgust said "Patty Smith," and though he said nothing, it was pretty clear Patty Smith was not even remotely on the first guy's radar. "Ah, okay" he said, then adding, pointing to Reed, "'cuz i know that's Al Pacino."

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Meanwhile, not far away, high, high CMJ-related ticket prices caused me to miss pals Breakup Breakdown, but apparently, their show was a right smash, especially when experienced in the context of being the only non-suburban emo band of the evening ...We had attempted earlier to see Stuart A. Staples of Tindersticks fame, but apparently he was Being A. Jerk and insisted on no photography for the performance. Thus, the Girl, with badge, was turned away for having her rather comprehensive collection of camera gear in tow. I was ambivalent (i wouldn't have been able to get into the $30 show anyway) and the Girl was actually relieved to not have to muck through more yuppie quiet-music, having already endured the dim, sanctimonious Lavender Diamond, the doughy shirtlessness of huckster-hicksters O'death and a whole other cavalcade of ersatz non-rock over the course of the week. In fact, you can see it all here. We departed and briefly wandered through douchebag-ville (read: Dumbo) until we stopped in for a drink at a bar that had roaches and a stunningly annoying bartender.

The only other CMJ show i had the pleasure of somehow getting in to was Brooklyn's favorite mustachioed rapscallions, The Giraffes at Greenpoint's ex-Polski pick-up disco, Studio B. In fact, MsMR even got backstage, which would've been a real hoot had there been something other than Red Bull and French onion dip in the Green Room. Drew Giraffe (god, i love calling people in bands by their first name and their band name!!) was kind enough to share some whiskey with me though, and the band, playing to an out-of-the-woodwork gaggle of goth kids there to see the entertaining but purely venal Mindless Self-Indulgence, managed to win quite a few converts despite awful sound. Some crummy band opened, and human beat-box Kenny Muhammad rounded out the slapped together, only-during-CMJ, bill, but i missed the remainder of this show to play one of my own. As for the venue itself, sure, a former Polish disco sounds like a real trip, but the intrigue ends once you transverse the club's trapezoidal entryway.

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Saturday, November 11th: This was a fun day. Tipped off by a pal to a mini-tour of two Bay Area rock bands, i set out to catch a free show at Passout Records on Grand St. A 3pm start time resulted in the first band going on at roughly 5, as the shops' co-owning couple were having a very public and at least half-drunken tiff, all to the street strains of a live Oblivians record. But the show must go on, and once it did, the mood lightened and everything was swell. The Husbands were out for blood, but had to settle for being a smash. Three girls with matching dresses and an average of 31.3 teeth (do the math) banged and belted their way through a fun, scary garage set. Especially rocking were a song with the hilarious chorus "B-I-L-L-Y Spells Heartbreak" and a perfectly executed cover of the Shanrgi-Las "Never Again." Predictably, no bass, but the girls' wisely went the Oblivians route - of course - with simple drum bashing, and one guitar sludgy enough to fill the sonic role of the bass adequately ... Poppy trio The Makes Nice (featuring a great fucking guitarist from the otherwise annoying Fucking Champs) opened the show and did a fine job, too, considering the weirdness that preceded them. They also taught me an awesome card game, commonly known as "Shithead" but shown to me as "Shit Stack," which is of course, much funnier. An MsMR salute to pal Lauren, for introducing me to these bands, and getting me a beer … Boston's Turpentine Brothers - yet another bass-less band - were a snooze, as are most Boston bands, so MsMR split to get some tacos. Yum!

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Zachary Freshkill (see "Drew Giraffe" above) was in attendance and, being in a record store and similarly fascinated with obscure and burgeoning bands, he had a few musical suggestions and notions for me, the most lasting of which were:

A. M83 are the worst band in history (and check them out, they are almost diabolically treacly), and

2. Check out Live Fast Die. Pretty good stuff, too - reminds me of Guitar Wolf - and i can go for any band that has a song named "PIZZA AND VOMIT."

Nonetheless, upon sampling the works of those two bands, i considered my column and thought, "ah, i hear stuff that good / bad every damn week." So, thus motivated, i attempted to put together twin lists from bands sitting in my "friend request box" that meet one of those two divergent criteria. Here's what i came up with (put another way, some actual reviews!):

Even worse than M83:

Aaron Schroeder (Indie / Folk / Punk)
You know, when Johnny Cash was making music like this, people like Aaron Schroeder were listening to Pat Boone. It's depressing when if you really think about it.

Puzzle Muteson (Acoustic / Folk / Shoegaze)
By the sounds of it, this guy misses Elliot Smith so much, it gave him cerebral palsy.

benjijustbenji (Folk Rock)
shittyjustshitty.

KILLOLA (Rock / Indie / Ghettotech)
This sounds like No Doubt being impersonated in a 12:55 am skit on Saturday Night Live.

FUTURE IN PLASTICS (Rock / Experimental / Pop Punk)
Hey, how come nobody told me Judy Tenuta was singing for Blue Oyster Cult now?

A Denver Mile (Shorts / Sandals / Whiney)
Bazooka Joe: "Say MsMR, how long could you tolerate A Denver Mile?"
MsMR: "A New York Minute!"
Plop!

Hannah Speller (Pop / Alternative / Rock)
Dilettante mom makes Kate Bush for divorcees. Thanks, lady.

Autopilots (Indie / Pop / Rock)
"Your eyes! Are a sight for sore ... E-ey-ey-ey-eys!" Just when panning bands is starting to feel like scrubbing the kitchen, these guys are a self-cleaning oven.

Poop Yer Pants (Experimental / Indie / Folk Rock)
A band named Poop Yer Pants can go one of two ways: a noisy, unwittingly "experimental" band by a group of high school smart-asses, which i would prefer; or third-generation Moldy Peaches folk stoner-in-the-woods stuff. Why do i get my hopes up?

Some Guy (Acoustic / Folk Rock / Indie)
"You call yourself a reviewer? Any PROFESIONAL reviewer would NOT delve into SPECULATION about someone's PERSONAL life.

If you had actually reviewed my music I would laugh off your opinion of the music. Instead you make smart-ass remarks about what you believe my social life to be.

I guarantee you I get laid more than you and for you to go on your website and speculate otherwise is wrong.

Here's what you do: Remove my name and anything about me on your website and I won't have my lawyer get in touch with you about the charges he will present to you of personal slander.

This is a one time warning."

(Guy in Question).

Almost as good as Live Fast Die:
(This proved tougher)

BRUSH (Indie / Alternative / Electronica)
Hilarious but sly, hooky electro-schmaltz, with simple melodies. Finally, a live with laptop act that won’t make you want to make the "hey can i check my e-mail?" joke. I never thought i'd say it.

grand ole party (Big Beat / Club / Rock)
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs comparisons are uinevitable, but the g.o.p. is a bit simpler, blues-ier, more primal, and - get this - they have a bassist. I'm sold.

Car-sick Cars (Rock / Indie / Shoegaze)
Chinese lucky art garage. You know i can't say no to a band with the headline "Enjoy our panda noise ! "

Ahoi (Rock / Tropical / Other)
Demos made in haste reveal big croon-y poppy business. It is nice to hear Mike Realistic on the bass again. It’s been too long. Good stuff and these cats are just getting started so stay tuned.

Well, that cinches it: writing about stuff i *don’t* like is a whole lot easier.

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Mondaay, November 13th: A quick note about the Beat the Devil residency at the Knitting Factory. Go. See them. Their sound and show are really beginning to take great shape - you could almost hear the harmonium this time - and they are just the band to expose just how demented Bo Diddley's "Who Do You Love" really is. They'll be there Mondays through the 4th of December. Worth the schlep, and the ducats.

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Tuesday, November 14th: Michael McDonald performed at the Waldorf=Astoria. Yes, THAT Michael McDonald. I was working as a will call guy / gift bag hander-outer for the Rita Hayworth Alzheimer's Gala (and i defy you to come up with a joke about THAT that i haven't heard before), and Mr. McDonald was the live entertainment for the $1000 / plate dinner. Apparently i arrived just in time to miss his soundcheck, but caught a song or two of his short set. Though most of the beard is gone, McDonald's voice has not changed one bit, as he lead a three piece band (himself on keys, plus a drummer and a neck-bobbing five-string bass player) and a McDonald's commercial-quality gospel backing through a short set of mostly Motown covers. No "What a Fool Believes" and no "Ya Mo B There" either, sadly. He did end with "Takin' It to the Streets", which had Dan Aykroyd and his wife busting some funky white-folks dance moves. By the way, i'm not making any of this up. Actually, the best part: Michael's outfit to such a fancy star studded evening? A too large black t-shirt and some beat up loafers. Making this the second event i've been to as an employee of this company featuring an out-of-place performance by a former star in a too-big black t-shirt (The Smithereens at a trade show at the Javitz Center being the first). Incidentally, you'd be surprised how excited people who make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year get when you give them a complimentary umbrella on an unseasonably warm evening, or maybe you wouldn't.

Lastly, Michael McDonald is very nice and has a firm handshake.

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Phew. A more conventional column next week ...

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 30

Hi everybody. Lots of bands this week. Some of this stuff has been sitting in my "Friend Request" box for almost two months, and in that time, some of the acts reviewed here have decided that enough was enough and chose to sneak out the back door, thinking i wasn't paying attention. Hell, some of them have probably broken up already. But how wrong they were! What follows is not every band in the pile, but most of them and some that were, and no longer are.

* = accepted

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WE'RE SOME AMERICAN BANDS: "Say Go" with the "action rock" of Phoenix's WHITE DEMONS (Rock). Two guitars, bass, drums, rock songs about drinkin' and cancelled shows, beer-commercial quality hooks, the whole thing. If this description appeals to you - and it probably does if you happen to live in Phoenix - by all means sign up ... While you're at it, check out The Compulsions (Rock / Punk / Blues), because it's pretty much the same thing, only, uh, "blues-ey-er" i guess. Me, i'll be here, digging into my Candy Snatchers collection, yet again ... If you don't at least appreciate Wilco, you probably needn't bother with Long Island's The Corduroys* (Rock / Country / Pop). And, by the sounds of it, i could handily defeat the singer in an arm-wrestling match. But the band has a good grasp on songwriting and the accompaniment shuffles along nicely, especially the Creedence-y guitar lines ... Conversely, i have no doubt that last-night's-beer-bottles-for-breakfast type otis gibbs (Folk / Indie / Americana) could snap me in half if provoked, so i'm invoking the rarely-used "If you can't say anything nice" clause, and stepping slowly away, not turning my back.

DIG THOSE KRAZY ELECTRONIC BEATS: The Valley Dolls (Alternative / Electro / Punk) have a whopping one song, a thrown-together demo at that; the Blow Waves (Electro / Punk / New Wave) come closest to approximating a male Yaz; Electra (Electro / Powerpop / Club) has the guile-free "This is My Art!"-camp-sound; Belgian couple eToy* (Electro / Pop / Rock) have the creative use of primary-colored body paint and a sound to match; and Deltawave (Electro / Indie / Disco House) has the best song titles and the most memorable material. But all are like eating a can of frosting for lunch ... And you know a genre has lost its "edge" when people from Orlando are doing it. That said, it could merely be the case that the Epcot Center is building some sort of incredibly comprehensive "Rock Sub-Genre" exhibit and Man and Machines (Industrial / Electro / Techno) are bucking to be the Teutonic splatter-techno installation ... As for Provo, UT's hidden ninja (Electronica / Drum & Bass / Industrial), the instrumental stuff is sufficiently brooding, but when the raps kick in, i feel like i'm at a Nuggets game. Then again, my tastes in electronica pretty much start and end with DJ Shadow, so maybe you should just decide for yourself.

METAL, SOME: Through Hell (Metal / Thrash / Hardcore) is this week's batch of screaming dudes in hoodies. Sure, all the songs are Viking-friendly - and sound, like, exactly the same - but, no doubt, at least two of the guys will end up going through some sort of "we need to make our music more dance-y and electronic" phase in about two years, so enjoy it while it lasts. Oh, and the background of their page, which looks like a still from Video Fireplace. So, that kinda rules ... Meanwhile, also keeping it "real" is Beyond All Reason (Rock / Metal / Rock), a bunch of black t-shirt-and-feelings types from the UK, with intermittently shrill vocals and weedley-wee guitar further blurring what's left of the line between modern emo and 80s fluffer-metal. The hunch here is that at least two (2) of the dudes have the band name tattooed somewhere on their bodies ... Watch out, Evanescence! Colporter (Rock / Metal / Hardcore) - fronted by a lefty, 5-string bass-playing chanteuse - boldly assert their claim San Diego's Number One Female Fronted Metal Band! Location, location, location.

THE "MOVEMENT" MOVEMENT: Three acts this week, vying for my Movement dollar. Philly indie-noodlers pattern is movement (Indie / Progressive / New Wave) boasts a puzzling 1 : 1 song / remix ratio, thus giving them a broader palate of ways to be formless and self-indulgent ... UK band White Rose Movement (Indie / Electronica) is that yelp-y Rapture-style professional rock that you go for but i do not. Only this time, a twist, in the form of an occasionally female voice occasionally intermingling, ethereally. Dance, young self-conscious people, dance! ... My countrymen The Movement (Powerpop / Rock / Alternative) sound like The Jam if they just sort of shrugged and decided to take that nightly gig at The Sands Atlantic City. It's official: "Movement" is a new must-avoid band buzzword.

ROUND THE HORN: Hey, The Tonic Bang* (Alternative / Rock / Pop), way to be a rock group of five Swedish teen girls, and NOT INCLUDE A FREAKIN' PICTURE ON YOUR PROFILE!! Alas, the strange lyrics and Slater-Blue Van sound more than make up for this glaring omission, so, nicely done. Still, making me determine your merits based on your music, that's kinda fucked up ... The MySpace Music Reviews Spirit Award goes to the drummer from Jimmy and the Wolfpack* (Rock / R&B / Rockabilly). Rockabilly has always thrived on the element of danger a bit more than most forms of music, and since its 2006 and the possibility of a knife-fight breaking out is nil - especially somewhere as "tough" as Brooklyn - wondering if the drummer can make it through a whole song without the number completely collapsing is close enough. Fun, Cramps-y stuff that goes good with $2 beer and girls with bangs ... On the flip side of that, the instinct-free drumming failing to propel State of Ohio (Rock / Indie) will get you right back in your seat, but maybe he's the appropriate choice for what is essentially Modest Mouse-on-steroids ... In only took 15 years, but thanks to Rara Avis (Pop / Country / Rock), Italy finally has a 10,000 Maniacs to call their own ... Aluco (Indie / Ambient / Acoustic) is some wispy sounding acoustic guitar and piano daintiness, from Norway. Clearly a distant descendent of someone not even remotely hearty enough to have been a Viking, and musically you can tell he seems to enjoy having all those dark cold hours to spend indoors. In fact, the acoustic guitar string scrapes are by far the loudest thing in these tracks ... The Student Teachers (Alternative / New Wave / Punk) are a long forgotten band from the CB's classic era, putting the final defining touches on their legacy, the MySpace way! Incidentally, on the subject of events of 1978-80, i won my 5th grade spelling bee, and i snagged the lead as an absent-minded professor in a play about nouns and verbs. What's that? You don't care? Hmm ... Lastly, just so you don't think i hate everything that doesn't sound like beer, check out UK's The Clauberg Opera* (Alternative / Punk), long engrossing stretches of lurching, overdriven instrumental doom, the sort of thing you still naively expect to go down at a Todd P show before being greeted by fake truckers reading poetry.

THE OL' MAILBAG: The talented - or at least well-trained - fellows in cellar steps (Indie / Rock / Progrsv House) wrote, oh, back in late July or so, pointing out that they'd be flattered if i panned their two-man quirk rock act. A backhanded dis, i suspect, but fuck it, i'm game, so here goes. "NERRRRRRRRRRRDS!"

NAP TIME: The Donde Stars (Indie / Alternative / Powerpop), Chaser (Rock / Club / Electro), one dollar peep show (Electronica / Alternative / Pop), Crash the Satellites (Indie / Rock).

THIS FINAL THOUGHT: Not that long ago, my band opened up for a man / act named Zed Never, a dude probably in his 50s who plays the bass, looks quite a lot like James Coburn and sings the hooks of fractured weird-uncle rock like "Pork Rinds" with gravely, a-melodic zeal. I bring this up because i feel like he should pair up with slop-punk combo BaTz* (Rock / Garage / Punk), and their Mozart-melody-lifting hit "F.U." for one last show at the Continental before it turns into a grimy sports bar. I mean, i'd be the only person in the audience, but i'd reeeeaallly be into it.

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Well, there you have it: i'm not even close to caught up. Tune in next week, when i, in all likelihood, revert back to my trusty old band-reviewing formula.

MsMR

Introduction, and Vol. 29

Hello there. I've been told by a good friend of mine that you tea-and-finger-sandwich types prefer "legitimate" blog forums such as this here blogger.com for your blog experience. This opposed to MySpace - where this blog has been doing business for a little over a year now - that province of perverts and 16 YeAR OlD KidS WhO TYpE lKIE tHIS ANd aRE AlL liKE "FUkk U dAd!!! !!" So, even though ...

A. I'm livid that someone / thing claimjumped the blogger address "myspace_music_reviews" and many of its permutations (and / or brought up the spectre that i'm not the only one doing such a column) ...

2. Reviewing bands that approach me on MySpace in a forum other than MySpace seems a little incongruous ...

I am forced to at least consider that posting the column here as well increases my chances of eventually being misquoted by the New York Times. So here it is. What follows is both a sample of my column, and its most recent edition. All future updates will be "simulcast" on this page, as well as the MySpace Page. For Vols. 1-28, and an alphabetized list of victims, please refer to the MySpace page, located here: http://www.myspace.com/myspace_music_reviews.

Feel free to comment, and enjoy.

All text herein c. 2005-2006 J. Carstensen III.

MySpace Music Reviews, Vol. 29

Hello, and welcome to the new profile. I gots a lot to do today, so i'm getting right down to business. Enjoy ...

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Revenge of Shinobi (Other)
Insistent, slowly-building double guitar n' rolling rhythm pieces, akin to Tom Verlain's or Sonic Youth's instrumental outings. Crests nicely, like big cold waves. I shall support their cause.
Friend Status: Accepted.

The Pandas (Rock / Pop / Psychedelic)
Droning rock with semi-sneering, laconic guy-n-gal vocals. This act features a one-time Warlock, which makes sense. If i suffered the misfortune of having to live in Las Vegas, i'd take one of their shows over a trip to the casino any night. Then again, i'd take pretty much any fate not involving mutilation over a trip to a casino. Regardless, good tunes.
Friend Status: Accepted.

Into White (Freestyle / Powerpop / Showtunes)
Mostly noisy dilettantism. At its more inspired, the band reminds me a bit of the Butthole Surfers, but as the volumes drop, so does the intrigue.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Cavalcade (Rock / Indie / Experimental)
Erudite upstate New Yorkers while away the hours in their drab town with some stretched out instrumental exercises. Repressed without ever being tense, build-ups that never build up into something. Maybe they didn't want to piss off the neighbors.
Friend Status: Rejected.

my bicycle emergency! (Folk / Acoustic / Regional Mexican)
It's official: the world has run out of band names. Sadly, it still has a surfeit of mope-y hippies.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Winterville (Rock / Alternative / Indie)
To think, most people embarrass themselves on TV and endure Dave Navarro just for a shot at being in a band like this, and these guys just go and start one of their own. Are they allowed to do that?
Friend Status: Rejected.

Echo Helstrom (Indie / Rock / Classical)
The shtick here, according to the bio posted: the band is comprised classical and jazz trained musicians "simulating" a rock band. Which, i mean, bands have been simulating rock music with guitars and drums for just about the last ten years. So, this might then, be a simulation of that simulation, and this is getting a little too meta for me, so i'm gonna have to say 'no.' Oh, and they're from Portland. And they're political. How have i not gone insane yet?
Friend Status: Rejected.

NO MEANS YES (Rock / Rock / Rock)
Formerly the Very Fine Lines, the new name does nothing to mask the fact that it's the same crappy band as last time. In fact, it's the exact same four songs as last time. This is like changing your shirt when you're ugly.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Villa Vina (Progressive / Rock / Indie)
Math-y notes-n-noodles onslaught from Brooklyn. I'll give them a shot based solely on the song title "Business Casual Sex." Don't expect miracles, but i bet they're fun live. Avoid reading the bio if you can.
Friend Status: Accepted.

54 Seconds(Alternative / Ambient / Rock)
Wow, 54 seconds is, in fact, about how long i could stand this singer's affected, warbly voice. Good call!
Friend Status: Rejected.

Redlight Cinema(Indie / Progressive / Rock)
Loud n' jumpy minor chord-employing rock trio fronted by a singer with toxic levels of Rob Thomas-ness. Just move to L.A. now and get it over with. On the plus side, "Make Love to a Stranger" is a great name for a record.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Viva Machine(Rock / Pop / Alternative)
Say what you will about the Darkness, but at least it took more than one listen for the joke to wear off.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Seth Lakeman (Acoustic / Folk / Folk Rock)
Mix two parts string quartet, one part banjo, a heaping tablespoon of assorted nature imagery and about two quarts of suffocating earnestness. Overbake. Serves thousands.
Friend Status: Rejected.

The Antlers (Indie / Folk / Ambient)
Clearly, some bearded, falsetto-voiced acoustic guitar male-banshees are not taking my "DISLIKES" list very seriously.
Friend Status: Rejected.

Krylls(Punk / Psychedelic / Grunge)
Oh my god, this is awesome. "I play geetara / I'm Che Guevara / I blast Sandista / Soy Anarchista / ANARCHY!!!" sung with an earnest commitment to being as annoying as possible, almost like the front man is the Fred Schneider of post-hardcore. Loud, goofy, great.
Friend Status: Accepted.

SMF (Progrsv House / Techno / Trance)
I'm not certain where exactly on my profile i wrote "I <3 Guido-Disco and songs about drugs, mtherfuckerr" but, hey, accidents happen.
Friend Status: Rejected.